Pouring out a bit of my heart...

I love how calm you can keep, and I'm not being sarcastic. How once you've made up your mind you can keep so level-headed. I wish I could. I really do wish I had that strenght. But giving myself to you made me lose that. I dropped my walls. Once I have, I can't seem to get them back up. I try, o I try so hard, to keep cool and a bit distant when I'm upset or something has happened, but I can't. I cannot summon enough energy to create more hinders between us.

I want to be with you. I want to be close to you. I want to meet you and then never part, just stay together. Sit in a park on a bench and watch the world without noticing for real that it's changing because I'm so full of being with you.

I am an idiot. Because of you I act like a silly tot. I cannot stop or stare. I cannot help it. I'm lost, gone and long forgotten. Once I could keep the ice in my stomac. But it melted and now my belly won't stay on that low temperature. It's warm enough for butterflies to flutter around, dragonflies to tickle the inside of me and bumblebees to zoom around.

Damn it, I love you. With no walls or protective nets. I hate you for making me love you so much. Yet I cry because I hate myself for trying to hate you. You see the pick I got myself into? Exactly where I put myself. I knew this was where I was going to end up, weak and vulnerable. I did not want to. But, darn it, here I am.

-a-